Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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