Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
