you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
