I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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