Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
