im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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