Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
