Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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