Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
