I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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