dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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