omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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