the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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