ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
