im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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