Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
