I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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