i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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