i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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