Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
