He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
