i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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