you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
