My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
