Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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