THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
