In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
