i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I need a burrito and a hug.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
