Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
