If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
