Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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