I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
