i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
