I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
