And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
