didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
