You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
