What a fucking waste of an outfit
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
