I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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