ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
