Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
