Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
birth control should be required to get into college
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
