you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
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