Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
