If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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