I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
