one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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