After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
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