sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
