youre lurking in front of me
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
