i need an iv and a liver transplant
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
