how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
