Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
