So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
