So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
The ass gains better be worth it
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